Parenting (a most natural state of near constant anxiety)
October 8, 2015 in Counseling
BY: Alexandra Shanklin LCPC
In a previous blog I discussed the differences between stress and eustress and how they contribute to anxiety disorders. You can read that blog entry here: . Today’s blog topic is a discussion about parenting. Which means it’s about stress and anxiety again.
I never had problems with anxiety until I had my children. I could handle pretty much anything life threw at me (and life threw A LOT at me) with relative ease. There wasn’t much a yoga class and some meditation couldn’t cover. But then came the cherubs and all hell broke loose.
In an age where people like to present their lives of perfection and constant fun on Facebook, Periscope, Twitter and insert your preferred social media outlet here there’s just not much representation from the Real World Parents. You may have heard of these elusive parents who are willing to talk about their foibles and gaffes. They are the parents who dare to discuss how hard it is to be a parent. Real World Parents know that while they can complain about the hardships and toils their children put them through their love for their children is not diminished. There’s a certain camaraderie in sharing war stories of your child kicking you in the face as you are pulling them out of the car seat to go to a play date after pulling over 17 times on a three mile drive because the little Houdini wannabe kept managing to wriggle out of said seat. Real World Parents talk about how sometimes they get a knot in their stomach while picking up their kids from school because they know there is a possibility that their kid’s teacher will want to have a chat with them. Oh, the dreaded “chat”. Teacher “chats” are seldom a good thing. Real World Parents have even been known to pack the exact wrong lunches for their kids and then get emails sent home about their child refusing to eat. Real World Parents get it wrong, and admit it but here’s the really bad part about admitting the problems: They get judged. Society judges the parents who speak candidly about their experiences.
Being a Real World Parent is challenging no doubt. But there is a group that has it worse. Yep there sure is. The parents who have it the worst of all are the Perfect Parents. Why? Well, because they are perfect. Or at least they feel they have to put that personae out there because let’s be honest, perfection was never an option. But that’s the image they have to portray. Can you imagine what Perfect Parents are going through daily? I mean, think of the anxiety and worry Perfect Parents feel when they don’t meet the standards. They are set up to fail. Who sets these Perfect Parent Standards? Is there a bimonthly committee meeting somewhere? Do they discuss ways to create more anxiety and problems for parents? Never being able to admit you’ve got problems has got to be exhausting and isolating too. These parents are constantly scrambling to avoid being judged as wanting or lacking in some way by reaching for impossible standards.
So, what to do? What to do? Anxiety over perfection. Anxiety over imperfection. Either side of the coin; parents have got problems. Well, I’ve got a suggestion or two about this parenting anxiety problem. A couple of paragraphs ago I mentioned the term JUDGEMENT. This is ultimately what is driving a big chunk of parental anxiety the fear of being judged by society about your parenting skills. Am I doing this right? Am I doing that right? Do we look good as a family? Parents these days are tormenting themselves over every little action they take and decision they make for their children. So, what is right?
Right is what is right for you and your family. Happiness is what looks good. And that is all. It really is that simple. And even if you make decisions based upon what is best for you and your family you will still make mistakes and that is ok because you are human.
For more information on all things parenting and the treatment of mental health disorders you can contact Alexandria at alex@novocousel.com or 6304940221.